ALyXaNdRiA_BaRBiE (the Sexiest Spy of the Underworld)

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I posted this in my old blog: alyxandriabarbie.blogspot.com last Oct. 1, 2004 and i thought i'd repost it!

Ok... today, I would like to talk about "Happiness" for i know it's something very significant to all of us. I think that most people find happiness an elusive word it makes unhappy individuals crave it all the more. On the other hand, I see some people blessed with happiness that it makes me wonder "Hot damn! How do they do it?", "Is there a secret to it?", "What would it take to make me happy?" Then I remembered Leo Tolstoy's words: "If you want to be happy, be."

It sounds very simple, isn't it? But it's very hard to do. Sometimes, most people's facades give a semblance of happiness, some project a happy and contented countenance, but are they really happy? Or are they just trying very hard to make people see what they want to feel inside?At my age (which is still quite young, I assure you), with the help of my outgoing personality, I have met and gotten to know many people in different walks of life, with diverse lifestyles and varied ages, and I have observed and noticed that many people build prisons for themselves.

You see, I have seen, known and met people who weren't happy with the kind of lifestyle they were leading and the kind of jobs they were stuck with, and yet ... they never tried doing anything about it. They didn't try going out there and seek for something that will make them fulfilled, satisfied and happy. They've remained in the prison walls they've built for themselves.I think it must be because they've occupied their prisons for a period of time and they had gotten accustomed to their walls and they had accepted the false premise that that was all they wanted. They were secure, therefore they were happy.Some of the people I've talked to didn't like the lifestyle they were leading, and yet they didn't try to do something to correct it. Some didn't like the jobs they've had, and yet, they didn't try to find something more challenging, more fulfilling, simply because they were scared of venturing into the unknown. I've met some who didn't like living with their families or their in-laws, and yet, i didn't see them doing anything to change that.

I have noticed that most people have simply abandoned all hope of ever giving their dreams a chance to be fulfilled. They had become puppets and had mistaken security for fulfillment and happiness. They began to suffer living deaths. Which is a waste ... a big waste.

I had wanted to tell them that it may be praise-worthy and noble that they had sacrificed their lives to a business, a cause or the happiness of others, but if they were miserable and unfulfilled with whatever they were doing, then remaining in it was a hypocrisy and a lie. And it would be a long, empty and sad existence to look back on.

I should know because I had been there. I had known what it's like to be unhappy; had known what it's like to be imprisoned in a lifestyle I had wanted to get away from, which I did, thank God.I had been unhappy in my own prison walls that I had done everything imaginable to claw my way out of it; had done something really drastic it took me years to forgive myself. My fear of the unknown, my lack of self-confidence and my low self-esteem were the culprit.

I've shared my past with my family and friends, my close friends, and they knew what I had gone through, they knew how difficult it was for me to get lose, the buckets of tears I've shed trying to think of something to escape ... and I had.I want to thank my family and my friends, the old friends and the new ones I've met, for they have shown me that all was not lost and as a way of showing my gratitude, I am posting this so that whoever might stumble on this story might just benefit from it and will feel secure in the knowledge that there are people who have escaped their own emotional prisons and are now leading normal and happy lives. We should live life to the fullest because we only live once. What a waste it would be to look back one day with regret in your heart. If you want to travel, then save money so you can go. If you want to change jobs, then do it. If you want to ask somebody to marry you, then ask them. There's always a risk to everything ... but at least you can say to yourself you had tried your best, then you won't be dwelling on "what ifs."

Furthermore, I would like to say that in every endeavor you do, always accompany it with prayers. Prayers can really help and they can be very relaxing to the soul. This, coming from somebody who seldom go to church.I remembered a text message my father sent to me once, it said: "God will either give you what you ask for or something far better. Keep praying and be thankful that His answers are always wiser than your prayers." And that's exactly what I did to get out of my own emotional prison ... I tried my best and kept praying. I still do.

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