ALyXaNdRiA_BaRBiE (the Sexiest Spy of the Underworld)

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I posted this in my old blog: alyxandriabarbie.blogspot.com last Oct. 1, 2004 and i thought i'd repost it!

I have never been in any serious relationships. I swear! I balk at the word commitment. I find it extremely freaky to date the same guy more than once that I think I might break out in a sweat or puke my guts out if ever I'd be in that situation. And yet, from my vantage viewpoint, I have collected information and have gotten my fair share of ideas on how to keep a man and light his fire. That caught your interest girls, didn't it? ;0)

Ok, pardon me for being verbatim, for quoting exactly what most books and people say, but this is oh-so-true. The first principle in making a love relationship work is to love a man for who he is, not what you fantasize he should or could be. Do you realize that most men marry or ask a woman to be his lover or girlfriend and hope that she would never change, and women marry the man or agree to be his lover or mate and hope that he would change for the better? Ironic, isn't it? :)

The majority of men I have befriended shared that they had been captivated with those special women who made them feel stronger, more capable, more intelligent, sexier or more knowledgeable than they had felt about themselves before these women came into their lives.

I had this friend whom I'll nickname Patrick who was really quiet and withdrawn and he had told me that he had been a loner before he met his girlfriend whom I'll call Marie. He said Marie always commented that she liked his calm nature. He said Marie has a volatile personality and she would always tell him that being with him makes her feel calmer and more peaceful. And her confession made him feel good about himself and made him open up to her. I had this other friend I'll call Mark. He's the touchy-feely kind. You know, the type who can't keep his hands off the girl he's dating. He told me that he recently found a new girlfriend, Jill, who really made him feel wanted. He said Jill didn't label him a flirt or thinks he's like an octopus, like what most of his previous girls commented ... Jill told him over a romantic dinner one night that she thinks he's very affectionate and passionate and it made him feel normal and special at the same time.

Are you beginning to get my drift? Men fall in love with those special women because of the way those women made them feel about themselves when they're with them. Ok, it sounds like a mouthful so I'll explain it in short bursts. When a woman brings out the best in a man, he feels good about himself, and when he feels good about himself when he's with that woman, he would really like to see more of that woman and spend more time with her. When a woman starts to nag and point out a man's faults, the man starts to veer away from the discussion and the woman herself ... and that's when they go and seek comfort from other women. Wow! I sound like a shrink, don't I? :)

How exactly do you make a man feel good about himself? Well, this is what I've observed:Men enjoy being complimented as much as women do. Some men might brush it off as something insignificant when you tell him you like his haircut, or say his shirt makes him look cuter than he usually is, but he really notices it ... and what's more ... he will remember it.When you and your man go shopping ... ok, fine! When you drag your man to go shopping and you ask for his opinion on what dress would suit you, please don't ignore his choices. If you don't like the dress he chose, tell him "wow! you have really good taste honey, but I need something that will make me feel more human." hehehe :) Oh and, when he kisses you, act like you really like it and tell him that he's a good kisser. But that's only when you want to keep the guy, then you can teach him how to be a better kisser later on, that is, if he's really lousy. Since I don't like to date the same guy twice (which means kiss the same guy again), what I usually do is tell him bluntly that he needs improvement, or ask him how many girls he's kissed and if he's learned from any of those experiences ... kinda harsh, I know, but it's a way of fending of unwanted suitors in the future. But what am I thinking? I'm here to write about keeping a man, not turning him away. (I've only wanted one guy to kiss me again and again and you all know who that guy is so I'll refrain from mentioning his name here to save space.)

Oh no! I forgot about the first date. Ok, on your first date with that special guy, take your time in getting ready and look your best. As in take your time ... don't rush things because it will make you feel really nervous. When you converse with the guy, you look him in the eye. You laugh when he says something witty ... a sexy lady's laugh, not the kind of boisterous laughter you usually hear from me. Hehehe :) Oh and, guys nowadays don't think like the guys in the dark ages ... a guy would want to converse with a girl who, at least, knows something. So sharpen your wit and spar words with your guy, he'll love it and thinks it's sexy. Never give your life history on the first date ... just something that will keep his interest and tell him you'll tell him more next time. *hint hint* Try and ask him what he likes for pete's sakes! Show your interest by asking questions about himself. Not all guys are arrogant and self-centered like some of the guys I've gone out with who did nothing but talk about their resumes on dates. Ho-hum ... who wants to go out with guys like that? Duh! Ok, let's go back to that compliment-your-guy part. It's something us girls usually neglect doing. This is what you do, when your guy enjoys working out, tell him it's great that he's in good shape and takes pride in his body. I've seen one of my girlfriends do this and I swear, I've seen the guy melt right in front of her, that's when I knew I'd store that info for future use. ;0) If he does things for you, tell him how nice it is to have him around. Etc.-Etc. You get the picture?

Oh, by the way, I've read this somewhere and I think you'd all benefit from this:"Remember, your love, to some degree, is a measure to a man's worth. Become a woman who is indespensable to your man and his self image and you will be a woman to whom a man feels deeply committed." There, isn't it cute? :)

And here's another one, "God gave us two ears and only one mouth, which means we are supposed to listen twice as much as we are supposed to talk, otherwise, we should have been given two mouths and one ear." So listen to your man when he talks. There is just as much value in listening as there is in speaking. Someone who is different from you has as much value as you do. "If two people agree on everything, then one of them is not necessary in the relationship." So what I mean by listening doesn't necessarily mean that you don't voice out your opinion about things. Hell! I'd be the first person to disobey my own rules if I get to have a guy who won't let me talk. I'm a talker, don't you know!!! ;0)

Oh and, create memories with him. He might find it a nuisance that you interrupted him during his meeting to tell him you love him and you enjoyed your night out last night or he might find it irritating that you've kidnapped him in the middle of the day so you can spend the afternoon together at some cute place somewhere, but trust me, he will really appreciate it and bring a smile to his face when he looks back on it. :)

Oh, here's another quote I've read somewhere "True romance is making a decision to let your mate know in many ways that he means more to you than anyone else in the world." Jeez, this one sounds really hard for me to do. I don't even think I can do it ... I do things based on my own decisions. Whew!! I didn't know it's this difficult to keep a guy until I made this list ... there's even more but this is already long. Girls, it takes hard work, but if you want to keep your guy, then there's no harm in trying what I mentioned, is there? :) I wish Nicole Kidman could have read this before she and Tom got divorced ... or Demi Moore for that matter. Liz Taylor is a hopeless case.

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