ALyXaNdRiA_BaRBiE (the Sexiest Spy of the Underworld)
"It's the good girls who write in a diary, the bad girls don't have time. Me? I just want a life I am going to remember, even if I don't write it down." Friday, February 25, 2005 Time, 11:41 pm
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I had a really great birthday party last February 16... okay, I turned a year older... but I don't care anymore! I used to think "Oh my God! I'm getting older!" But, well, seeing the Hollywood babes Demi Moore, Julianne Moore et. al. who are all in their 40s and still look stunning, it made me realize, it's not a question of age, but how you feel about yourself. So now, no more "Oh my God, I'm getting older" stuff stuff. Anyway, about my birthday part... I spent it in Ormoc with my family and my friends. God, I never realized how much I missed them. Oh and, this is the cherry on top of the icing... my long-time crush was there. He was just sssooo cute and seeing him at my party really made my day. Hahaha :) pathetic, I know. I sound like some high-school kid. But, hey, seriously, I've liked this guy for years and years... and I really still do like him.... so much!!! But, I'm trying to quit this obsession because they said he has this really very pretty girlfriend... and I don't intend to compete with anyone... so I'm trying to forget the guy and just befriend him. After all, I like having friends... While we're still on the topic of crushes... I really like this guy in my French class, but he's really very young... he's years younger than I am... but dig this, he is very smart. He's funny and he speaks four languages other than English... which he also speaks fluently. Whew!! I am so attracted to smart guys. Hehehe :) Well, until next entry. Au revoir! :) Wednesday, February 09, 2005 Time, 5:35 am
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I have forgotten to post it here that the book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" is coming out this July. This is such wonderful news... at least she's (J.K. Rowling) not letting us wait for three years, like she did with the fifth one. Time, 5:09 am
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Going clubbing to listen to live-band music with Fran and Alli reminds me of my college days. Those days when I finally experienced what it felt like to be out with friends at night... clubbing, going disco-dancing, dating different guys every night, karting. That was awesome! I remembered my life in Ormoc where my parents never allowed us (me and my siblings) to get out of the house at night... before dinnertime, we all have to be at home. And yet, I never really did go ga-ga over going out... I had my books to compensate for it, the rented movies, the TV... and I even had my piano practices to keep me busy. Recently, I'm craving for the night life again, and I thought I cured that itch already (I used to go out every night in my first year here in Manila). I got to thinking, maybe I'm getting homesick and compensating my loneliness with going out at nights when we get off work early. Maybe I'm sinking into some deeper gloom that I don't even want to touch on... but I have to... it sneaks up on me from time to time.... that gnawing thought "What if I fail? What if I fail to accomplish my dreams and my goals in life?" The dreams that I hold dear? I don't want to lose hope. I really don't. But I don't know how I will be able to face myself in the mirror again when I turn 30 and I have nothing to show for it except failure. I have turned down the guys who have courted me because I wanted to concentrate on "my goals," "my career," "my ambitions," "my future"... (well, not that I really cared for any of them. Come to think of it, I don't think I've never really felt deeply for any guy. Oh God! Am I made of stone?), I have acted rashly on several occasions and had been such a brat for some things that has something to do with "my future" that I have hurt my family and some friends in the process. I think that maybe, I have to start to balance my views on some things. I have to start living my life... for the present... and saving some of it for the future. Whew! Thinking... It really scares the sh*t out of me! |
Hi! I'm: ALyXa BaRBiE :) (people who are really close to me call me Jinji), 26 years old and an eternal Peter Pan
"Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you only have one life to live and one chance to do all the things you want to do." ;0) Send me feedback at:
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